The Works of Edgar Allan Poe — Volume 5 Read online

  "Why, there are several ways of managing. The most of us starve: someput up with the pickle: for my part I purchase my spirits viventecorpore, in which case I find they keep very well."

  "But the body!--hiccup!--the body!"

  "The body, the body--well, what of the body?--oh! ah! I perceive. Why,sir, the body is not at all affected by the transaction. I have madeinnumerable purchases of the kind in my day, and the parties neverexperienced any inconvenience. There were Cain and Nimrod, and Nero, andCaligula, and Dionysius, and Pisistratus, and--and a thousand others,who never knew what it was to have a soul during the latter part oftheir lives; yet, sir, these men adorned society. Why possession ofhis faculties, mental and corporeal? Who writes a keener epigram?Who reasons more wittily? Who--but stay! I have his agreement in mypocket-book."

  Thus saying, he produced a red leather wallet, and took from it a numberof papers. Upon some of these Bon-Bon caught a glimpse of the lettersMachi--Maza--Robesp--with the words Caligula, George, Elizabeth. HisMajesty selected a narrow slip of parchment, and from it read aloud thefollowing words:

  "In consideration of certain mental endowments which it is unnecessaryto specify, and in further consideration of one thousand louis d'or, Ibeing aged one year and one month, do hereby make over to the bearerof this agreement all my right, title, and appurtenance in the shadowcalled my soul. (Signed) A...." {*4} (Here His Majesty repeated a namewhich I did not feel justified in indicating more unequivocally.)

  {*4} Quere-Arouet?

  "A clever fellow that," resumed he; "but like you, Monsieur Bon-Bon,he was mistaken about the soul. The soul a shadow, truly! The soul ashadow; Ha! ha! ha!--he! he! he!--hu! hu! hu! Only think of a fricasseedshadow!"

  "Only think--hiccup!--of a fricasseed shadow!" exclaimed our hero,whose faculties were becoming much illuminated by the profundity of hisMajesty's discourse.

  "Only think of a hiccup!--fricasseed shadow!! Now,damme!--hiccup!--humph! If I would have been sucha--hiccup!--nincompoop! My soul, Mr.--humph!"

  "Your soul, Monsieur Bon-Bon?"

  "Yes, sir--hiccup!--my soul is-"

  "What, sir?"

  "No shadow, damme!"

  "Did you mean to say-"

  "Yes, sir, my soul is--hiccup!--humph!--yes, sir."

  "Did you not intend to assert-"

  "My soul is--hiccup!--peculiarly qualified for--hiccup!--a-"

  "What, sir?"

  "Stew."

  "Ha!"

  "Soufflee."

  "Eh!"

  "Fricassee."

  "Indeed!"

  "Ragout and fricandeau--and see here, my good fellow! I'll let you haveit--hiccup!--a bargain." Here the philosopher slapped his Majesty uponthe back.

  "Couldn't think of such a thing," said the latter calmly, at the sametime rising from his seat. The metaphysician stared.

  "Am supplied at present," said his Majesty.

  "Hiccup--e-h?" said the philosopher.

  "Have no funds on hand."

  "What?"

  "Besides, very unhandsome in me--"

  "Sir!"

  "To take advantage of-"

  "Hiccup!"

  "Your present disgusting and ungentlemanly situation."

  Here the visiter bowed and withdrew--in what manner could not preciselybe ascertained--but in a well-concerted effort to discharge a bottleat "the villain," the slender chain was severed that depended from theceiling, and the metaphysician prostrated by the downfall of the lamp.

  SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY.

  THE _symposium_ of the preceding evening had been a little too muchfor my nerves. I had a wretched headache, and was desperately drowsy.Instead of going out therefore to spend the evening as I had proposed,it occurred to me that I could not do a wiser thing than just eat amouthful of supper and go immediately to bed.

  A light supper of course. I am exceedingly fond of Welsh rabbit. Morethan a pound at once, however, may not at all times be advisable. Still,there can be no material objection to two. And really between two andthree, there is merely a single unit of difference. I ventured, perhaps,upon four. My wife will have it five;--but, clearly, she has confoundedtwo very distinct affairs. The abstract number, five, I am willing toadmit; but, concretely, it has reference to bottles of Brown Stout,without which, in the way of condiment, Welsh rabbit is to be eschewed.

  Having thus concluded a frugal meal, and donned my night-cap, with theserene hope of enjoying it till noon the next day, I placed my head uponthe pillow, and, through the aid of a capital conscience, fell into aprofound slumber forthwith.

  But when were the hopes of humanity fulfilled? I could not havecompleted my third snore when there came a furious ringing at thestreet-door bell, and then an impatient thumping at the knocker, whichawakened me at once. In a minute afterward, and while I was stillrubbing my eyes, my wife thrust in my face a note, from my old friend,Doctor Ponnonner. It ran thus:

  "Come to me, by all means, my dear good friend, as soon as you receive this. Come and help us to rejoice. At last, by long persevering diplomacy, I have gained the assent of the Directors of the City Museum, to my examination of the Mummy--you know the one I mean. I have permission to unswathe it and open it, if desirable. A few friends only will be present--you, of course. The Mummy is now at my house, and we shall begin to unroll it at eleven to-night.

  "Yours, ever,

  PONNONNER.

  By the time I had reached the "Ponnonner," it struck me that I wasas wide awake as a man need be. I leaped out of bed in an ecstacy,overthrowing all in my way; dressed myself with a rapidity trulymarvellous; and set off, at the top of my speed, for the doctor's.

  There I found a very eager company assembled. They had been awaiting mewith much impatience; the Mummy was extended upon the dining-table; andthe moment I entered its examination was commenced.

  It was one of a pair brought, several years previously, by CaptainArthur Sabretash, a cousin of Ponnonner's from a tomb near Eleithias, inthe Lybian mountains, a considerable distance above Thebes on the Nile.The grottoes at this point, although less magnificent than the Thebansepulchres, are of higher interest, on account of affording morenumerous illustrations of the private life of the Egyptians. The chamberfrom which our specimen was taken, was said to be very rich in suchillustrations; the walls being completely covered with fresco paintingsand bas-reliefs, while statues, vases, and Mosaic work of rich patterns,indicated the vast wealth of the deceased.

  The treasure had been deposited in the Museum precisely in the samecondition in which Captain Sabretash had found it;--that is to say,the coffin had not been disturbed. For eight years it had thus stood,subject only externally to public inspection. We had now, therefore,the complete Mummy at our disposal; and to those who are aware how veryrarely the unransacked antique reaches our shores, it will be evident,at once that we had great reason to congratulate ourselves upon our goodfortune.

  Approaching the table, I saw on it a large box, or case, nearly sevenfeet long, and perhaps three feet wide, by two feet and a half deep. Itwas oblong--not coffin-shaped. The material was at first supposed tobe the wood of the sycamore (_platanus_), but, upon cutting into it, wefound it to be pasteboard, or, more properly, _papier mache_, composedof papyrus. It was thickly ornamented with paintings, representingfuneral scenes, and other mournful subjects--interspersed among which,in every variety of position, were certain series of hieroglyphicalcharacters, intended, no doubt, for the name of the departed. By goodluck, Mr. Gliddon formed one of our party; and he had no difficulty intranslating the letters, which were simply phonetic, and represented theword _Allamistakeo_.

  We had some difficulty in getting this case open without injury;but having at length accomplished the task, we came to a second,coffin-shaped, and very considerably less in size than the exterior one,but resembling it precisely in every other respect. The interval betweenthe two was filled with resin, which had, in some degree, defaced thecolors of the interior box.

  Upon o
pening this latter (which we did quite easily), we arrived at athird case, also coffin-shaped, and varying from the second one in noparticular, except in that of its material, which was cedar, and stillemitted the peculiar and highly aromatic odor of that wood. Betweenthe second and the third case there was no interval--the one fittingaccurately within the other.

  Removing the third case, we discovered and took out the body itself.We had expected to find it, as usual, enveloped in frequent rolls, orbandages, of linen; but, in place of these, we found a sort of sheath,made of papyrus, and coated with a layer of plaster, thickly gilt andpainted. The paintings represented subjects connected with thevarious supposed duties of the soul, and its presentation to differentdivinities, with numerous identical human figures, intended, veryprobably, as portraits of the persons embalmed. Extending from headto foot was a columnar, or perpendicular, inscription, in phonetichieroglyphics, giving again his name and titles, and the names andtitles of his relations.

  Around the neck thus ensheathed, was a collar of cylindrical glassbeads, diverse in color, and so arranged as to form images of deities,of the scarabaeus, etc, with the winged globe. Around the small of thewaist was a similar collar or belt.

  Stripping off the papyrus, we found the flesh in excellent preservation,with no perceptible odor. The color was reddish. The skin was hard,smooth, and glossy. The teeth and hair were in good condition. The eyes(it seemed) had been removed, and glass ones substituted, which werevery beautiful and wonderfully life-like, with the exception of somewhattoo determined a stare. The fingers and the nails were brilliantlygilded.

  Mr. Gliddon was of opinion, from the redness of the epidermis, that theembalmment had been effected altogether by asphaltum; but, on scrapingthe surface with a steel instrument, and throwing into the fire some ofthe powder thus obtained, the flavor of camphor and other sweet-scentedgums became apparent.

  We searched the corpse very carefully for the usual openings throughwhich the entrails are extracted, but, to our surprise, we coulddiscover none. No member of the party was at that period aware thatentire or unopened mummies are not infrequently met. The brain itwas customary to withdraw through the nose; the intestines through anincision in the side; the body was then shaved, washed, and salted; thenlaid aside for several weeks, when the operation of embalming, properlyso called, began.

  As no trace of an opening could be found, Doctor Ponnonner was preparinghis instruments for dissection, when I observed that it was then pasttwo o'clock. Hereupon it was agreed to postpone the internal examinationuntil the next evening; and we were about to separate for the present,when some one suggested an experiment or two with the Voltaic pile.

  The application of electricity to a mummy three or four thousand yearsold at the least, was an idea, if not very sage, still sufficientlyoriginal, and we all caught it at once. About one-tenth in earnest andnine-tenths in jest, we arranged a battery in the Doctor's study, andconveyed thither the Egyptian.

  It was only after much trouble that we succeeded in laying bare someportions of the temporal muscle which appeared of less stony rigiditythan other parts of the frame, but which, as we had anticipated, ofcourse, gave no indication of galvanic susceptibility when brought incontact with the wire. This, the first trial, indeed, seemed decisive,and, with a hearty laugh at our own absurdity, we were bidding eachother good night, when my eyes, happening to fall upon those of theMummy, were there immediately riveted in amazement. My brief glance, infact, had sufficed to assure me that the orbs which we had all supposedto be glass, and which were originally noticeable for a certain wildstare, were now so far covered by the lids, that only a small portion ofthe _tunica albuginea_ remained visible.

  With a shout I called attention to the fact, and it became immediatelyobvious to all.

  I cannot say that I was alarmed at the phenomenon, because "alarmed" is,in my case, not exactly the word. It is possible, however, that, but forthe Brown Stout, I might have been a little nervous. As for the restof the company, they really made no attempt at concealing the downrightfright which possessed them. Doctor Ponnonner was a man to be pitied.Mr. Gliddon, by some peculiar process, rendered himself invisible. Mr.Silk Buckingham, I fancy, will scarcely be so bold as to deny that hemade his way, upon all fours, under the table.

  After the first shock of astonishment, however, we resolved, as a matterof course, upon further experiment forthwith. Our operations were nowdirected against the great toe of the right foot. We made an incisionover the outside of the exterior _os sesamoideum pollicis pedis,_ andthus got at the root of the abductor muscle. Readjusting the battery, wenow applied the fluid to the bisected nerves--when, with a movement ofexceeding life-likeness, the Mummy first drew up its right knee so as tobring it nearly in contact with the abdomen, and then, straightening thelimb with inconceivable force, bestowed a kick upon Doctor Ponnonner,which had the effect of discharging that gentleman, like an arrow from acatapult, through a window into the street below.

  We rushed out _en masse_ to bring in the mangled remains of the victim,but had the happiness to meet him upon the staircase, coming up in anunaccountable hurry, brimful of the most ardent philosophy, and morethan ever impressed with the necessity of prosecuting our experimentwith vigor and with zeal.

  It was by his advice, accordingly, that we made, upon the spot, aprofound incision into the tip of the subject's nose, while the Doctorhimself, laying violent hands upon it, pulled it into vehement contactwith the wire.

  Morally and physically--figuratively and literally--was the effectelectric. In the first place, the corpse opened its eyes and winked veryrapidly for several minutes, as does Mr. Barnes in the pantomime, in thesecond place, it sneezed; in the third, it sat upon end; in the fourth,it shook its fist in Doctor Ponnonner's face; in the fifth, turning toMessieurs Gliddon and Buckingham, it addressed them, in very capitalEgyptian, thus:

  "I must say, gentlemen, that I am as much surprised as I am mortified atyour behavior. Of Doctor Ponnonner nothing better was to be expected. Heis a poor little fat fool who knows no better. I pity and forgive him.But you, Mr. Gliddon--and you, Silk--who have travelled and resided inEgypt until one might imagine you to the manner born--you, I say whohave been so much among us that you speak Egyptian fully as well, Ithink, as you write your mother tongue--you, whom I have always beenled to regard as the firm friend of the mummies--I really did anticipatemore gentlemanly conduct from you. What am I to think of your standingquietly by and seeing me thus unhandsomely used? What am I to suppose byyour permitting Tom, Dick, and Harry to strip me of my coffins, and myclothes, in this wretchedly cold climate? In what light (to come to thepoint) am I to regard your aiding and abetting that miserable littlevillain, Doctor Ponnonner, in pulling me by the nose?"

  It will be taken for granted, no doubt, that upon hearing this speechunder the circumstances, we all either made for the door, or fell intoviolent hysterics, or went off in a general swoon. One of these threethings was, I say, to be expected. Indeed each and all of these lines ofconduct might have been very plausibly pursued. And, upon my word, I amat a loss to know how or why it was that we pursued neither the one northe other. But, perhaps, the true reason is to be sought in the spiritof the age, which proceeds by the rule of contraries altogether, andis now usually admitted as the solution of every thing in the way ofparadox and impossibility. Or, perhaps, after all, it was only theMummy's exceedingly natural and matter-of-course air that divested hiswords of the terrible. However this may be, the facts are clear, and nomember of our party betrayed any very particular trepidation, or seemedto consider that any thing had gone very especially wrong.

  For my part I was convinced it was all right, and merely stepped aside,out of the range of the Egyptian's fist. Doctor Ponnonner thrust hishands into his breeches' pockets, looked hard at the Mummy, and grewexcessively red in the face. Mr. Glidden stroked his whiskers and drewup the collar of his shirt. Mr. Buckingham hung down his head, and puthis right thumb into the left corner of his mouth.

  The Egy
ptian regarded him with a severe countenance for some minutes andat length, with a sneer, said:

  "Why don't you speak, Mr. Buckingham? Did you hear what I asked you, ornot? Do take your thumb out of your mouth!"

  Mr. Buckingham, hereupon, gave a slight start, took his right thumb outof the left corner of his mouth, and, by way of indemnification insertedhis left thumb in the right corner of the aperture above-mentioned.

  Not being able to get an answer from Mr. B., the figure turned peevishlyto Mr. Gliddon, and, in a peremptory tone, demanded in general termswhat we all meant.

  Mr. Gliddon replied at great length, in phonetics; and but for thedeficiency of American printing-offices in hieroglyphical type, it wouldafford me much pleasure to record here, in the original, the whole ofhis very excellent speech.

  I may as well take this occasion to remark, that all the subsequentconversation in which the Mummy took a part, was carried on in primitiveEgyptian, through the medium (so far as concerned myself and otheruntravelled members of the company)--through the medium, I say, ofMessieurs Gliddon and Buckingham, as interpreters. These gentlemen spokethe mother tongue of the Mummy with inimitable fluency and grace; but Icould not help observing that (owing, no doubt, to the introduction ofimages entirely modern, and, of course, entirely novel to the stranger)the two travellers were reduced, occasionally, to the employment ofsensible forms for the purpose of conveying a particular meaning.Mr. Gliddon, at one period, for example, could not make the Egyptiancomprehend the term "politics," until he sketched upon the wall, witha bit of charcoal a little carbuncle-nosed gentleman, out at elbows,standing upon a stump, with his left leg drawn back, right arm thrownforward, with his fist shut, the eyes rolled up toward Heaven, andthe mouth open at an angle of ninety degrees. Just in the same way Mr.Buckingham failed to convey the absolutely modern idea "wig," until(at Doctor Ponnonner's suggestion) he grew very pale in the face, andconsented to take off his own.